As I type this, my two youngest are fighting over Woody or Strawberry Shortcake. Do you remember the days when that crisis was the biggest challenge that you would face for the day? Today I am overwhelmed. As wonderful as my life is, (and it truly is) today is one of those days that I am struggling. I am struggling to get it all done. I came to the realization a few days ago that we are picking up our lives in 3 months. 3 months from now, my house will be packed up and we will be on our way to a new life. And while I look forward to the new adventures and friends that we are going to make, it is all starting to feel like too much.
Selling my house is turning into a full-blown nightmare. For someone as responsible as I have always been (and still am) it amazes me that when you do everything right, and they way that you are supposed to, you cannot get any help. Who ever thought that the home that you brought your baby home to from the hospital to, and the dining room that you had family dinners in, and the backyard that you have a tree swing in would ever be a bad investment? I never knew that buying a home that I love and truly made a home would be the source of such negative energy for me. Sometimes being a grown up is the worst thing in the world.
I was looking at the calendar for the next few months are there a very few blanks spots on it. Many of those dates are taken up by obligation and not truly how I feel like spending my last few months here. I am excited to go someplace where no one knows me, and has yet to figure out that I am a sucker. I was saying the other day, that it will be nice to take the year off. No one there will be asking me to pretty please take Johnny’s 1 year pictures. Or we know that you are always dependable, so can you come help out at xyz? And the person laughed and said that they will know. That I have that kind of face. Not sure exactly what that means, but hoping that they don’t notice right away. I want to spend my last days in California playing in fields of mustard and playing with trucks at the Presidio. I need to make that happen. I will make that happen.
Tonight, I will not do any work, I will make my family a nice dinner, and sit on the couch with my husband and catch up on Glee. And eat this gorgeous bowl of raspberries. Maybe in a tall glass of champagne with some Chambord. And tomorrow will be a brighter and much happier day.