As I type this, my two youngest are fighting over Woody or Strawberry Shortcake. Do you remember the days when that crisis was the biggest challenge that you would face for the day? Today I am overwhelmed. As wonderful as my life is, (and it truly is) today is one of those days that I am struggling. I am struggling to get it all done. I came to the realization a few days ago that we are picking up our lives in 3 months. 3 months from now, my house will be packed up and we will be on our way to a new life. And while I look forward to the new adventures and friends that we are going to make, it is all starting to feel like too much.
Selling my house is turning into a full-blown nightmare. For someone as responsible as I have always been (and still am) it amazes me that when you do everything right, and they way that you are supposed to, you cannot get any help. Who ever thought that the home that you brought your baby home to from the hospital to, and the dining room that you had family dinners in, and the backyard that you have a tree swing in would ever be a bad investment? I never knew that buying a home that I love and truly made a home would be the source of such negative energy for me. Sometimes being a grown up is the worst thing in the world.
I was looking at the calendar for the next few months are there a very few blanks spots on it. Many of those dates are taken up by obligation and not truly how I feel like spending my last few months here. I am excited to go someplace where no one knows me, and has yet to figure out that I am a sucker. I was saying the other day, that it will be nice to take the year off. No one there will be asking me to pretty please take Johnny’s 1 year pictures. Or we know that you are always dependable, so can you come help out at xyz? And the person laughed and said that they will know. That I have that kind of face. Not sure exactly what that means, but hoping that they don’t notice right away. I want to spend my last days in California playing in fields of mustard and playing with trucks at the Presidio. I need to make that happen. I will make that happen.
Tonight, I will not do any work, I will make my family a nice dinner, and sit on the couch with my husband and catch up on Glee. And eat this gorgeous bowl of raspberries. Maybe in a tall glass of champagne with some Chambord. And tomorrow will be a brighter and much happier day.
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Vicki - Oh Bree! You’re in another country and you still manage to do so much for me with your pictures and your words. You inspired me to start cooking again and to start my little blogg. You make such a difference in the world. Your positive energy will come back to you. Be patient. Sending you good thoughts and energy from the Great White North. Along with a huge Thank You for all you do!
Vic
Karin van D. - When I look at the pictures of you and your family, and read stories about you and your loved ones, I am certain that everything will turn out ok. But I can imagine this is a stressful period. *hug* I hope you’ll enjoy those raspberries (that look delicious by the way, I haven’t seen raspberries in ages around here) and that tomorrow everything will look a lot sunnier and warmer!
natalie - i feel that way often, when i start to think where our lives are headed. your evening sounds like just what you need. and those raspberries look delicious.
mindy t - Wow I am having one of those days today too. I found your site a few weeks ago and am so happy I did. I have already made several recipes and look forward to many more! Thank you for all you do. Good Luck with the move. Are you moving far away?
Kelli - You will never regret finishing your time here with the things you wanted to do and enjoy! You will regret that you didn’t. Get out the eraser my friend.. and lets hit SF with monster trucks and go take pictures of those mustard blossoms!
Rituparna - I have been following your food blog religiously for sometime now. But, I stumbled upon this just 2dy. I love your home and that amazing kitchen where you make all those goodies. Moving away is always as painful as exciting. Especially when your leaving a beautiful home behind. I should know. Be strong and enjoy the months that you have here. Things always do fall into place over time. Time is a great heal and educator.
Love ………….
Darcie - You obviously do so much for other people. Make it a priority to do something every day just for you. Something that feeds your spirit in some way and isn’t performance-oriented. Even if it’s something small. Grace and peace!
five people twelve times – february 2011 | Bree Hester - [...] of all, I want to thank you for all of the sweet comments and emails about my last post. It is nice to know that I am not alone and that I have people like you to support and love me. [...]
Bree - thank you Darci…
Bree - I will so miss my kitchen. I bought this house because of the light in my kitchen. I know that things will be fine it just seemed so overwhelming the day that I wrote this.
Bree - No joke, we went to Napa yesterday and the mustards are everywhere and gorgeous.
Bree - Thank you Mindi. We are moving to Kansas.
Bree - It is nice to not feel so alone. Thank you Natalie.
Bree - I know that it will be, the day that I wrote this, I just felt so overwhelmed by everything. Thanks for the sweet words.
Bree - Oh Vic! You are the sweetest thing ever. Thank you. XOXO.
Rachel Clare - I hate days like these. They’re so draining. And I’m sorry you are/were feeling this way. Isn’t it funny how hard it is to say no? And yet, how free and happy you feel when you say no? I hope you can say no to obligations and yes to playing for the next few months. Big hugs.
Ronda - You take amazing pictures. My father got me a Nikon D40. I have no idea how to use it, but it seems to take very nice pictures despite my ignorance. I love your blog and am excited to try a bunch of your recipes. I just moved to Missouri from Seattle with my husband and two little boys for a job, so I know what you are going through. I never knew how good I had it with all the organic shopping I had in the Pacific Northwest. Maybe we’ll be neighbors, Kansas is only 10 minutes away from me.
Bree - have fun with your new camera. Learn to shoot manual and you will see a huge improvement in your images.
Bree - Thank you Rachel. It is getting easier.
shawna [of styleberryBLOG] - Dear Bree. I get you. I feel you. I am going/have gone through the same thing. The last set of orders cost us a small fortune in losses from our “great investment” first townhouse. When you can’t say no to moving…life isn’t easy. Even if you follow all the rules. Wishing you lots of luck–& peace during the next few months. It will be so nice for you to be able to say “no” a bit more often once you relocate.
*s
Val - Hi Bree,
Just found you at The Creative Mama. I can relate to saying “no” to some things so that you can say “yes” to what matters most! It’s encouraging to find other creative women who are living the “pilgrim adventure” of military family life. Our crew is awaiting orders and we, too, will be moving to a new place this summer. Every season is different on this road, no? Wish you well as you transition–literally and metaphorically!
Bree - thank you Val! This military life is crazy, but I love it too. Happy travels to you and your family.
Bree - it is nice to know that I am not alone! Can’t wait to “meet” you in person next week!
Melissa - A move is so hard! (Stopping by from SITS, so I know you’re “letting go.) We moved across the country when my son was 2 and my daugher 7 months — and it was IMPOSSIBLE. But we made it. And amidst all the sadness, and challenges, and changes, my husband kept reminding me that we weren’t leaving anything really important behind. Even though I left my friends, our support group (like you mentioned, people we could count on), and the house where we brought our babies home — my husband kept pushing me to look to the future. “We’ll make new memories in our new house,” he said.
It was hard to imagine that, with all the crazy schedule of nursing a child, watching a toddler, packing, showing the house, you’re in it right now so you know. But we’ve been here for two years now. And everything has settled into place. It was work. But once you get to your new place, and make your own marks, you’ll be able to breathe again!
CoffeeJitters - Oh, we all need to do that every once in a while – sit down and savor a bowl full of raspberries while watching a delightful show – life is good, even when it sucks. Best wishes for the year ahead. I hope its full of bowls full of raspberries.
Bree - thank you!
Bree - It always works out, I really like moving, but this time it just feels different. I know in a few months we will be settled and I will forget that I felt this way.